A Touch Of Lube (All Calls Are Monitored Book 2) Read online

  “What is that?” he asked, placing the pizzas and coffees on a desk. “I don’t even think that’s human.”

  “That’s a penis,” Alexa said.

  “And that’s a vagina,” Max added.

  Jeffrey shook his head. “Nope, no thank you, not today.” He sighed. “I guess the email I received earlier makes sense now.”

  “I probably don’t even need coffee,” Alexa said. “That’s scarred me for life.”

  It took thirty minutes before Jeffrey called for a team meeting in Veronica’s office. They both joined him, placing themselves as being on assigned tasks. By that time, the images were ingrained in their minds and the thought of food was repulsive, until they were in the same room as it.

  “Pizza might be a little cold now,” Jeffrey said as he lifted the lids. “Two plain cheese and one pepperoni.”

  The sight of food turned their stomach, but they each grabbed several slices, even if it was only to nibble at the sides.

  “We need a plan of action,” Jeffrey said, pacing around Veronica’s office. “We need to respond to these as soon as possible, otherwise, people are going to start attacking us, and before you know it, we’ll be number two in the app store.”

  Alexa feigned a gasp while Max nibbled on his pizza slice.

  “Everyone is blaming this new lube, Sensalube,” he said. “We’re advertising them on the app, and I know so far they’ve net the company a nice tidy sum.”

  “So, you know about this?” Alexa asked, gasping for real. “And you know it’s burning people?”

  “Allegedly,” Jeffrey said.

  “Allegedly?” Max repeated. “People have sent in pictures, we’ve seen what it does to them.”

  Jeffrey laughed. “If it was horrible, would we have several boxes of it?”

  Alexa shrugged. “Probably.”

  “Regardless!” Jeffrey held a hand in the air. “These people are crazy, or they’re not using the specified amount, they’re not following the rules, and you know what happens when someone doesn’t follow the rules, well, they inevitably get burned, right?” He pressed the pizza to his lips, curling it to slide right in.

  “Sometimes,” Alexa said, “but not physically.”

  “I’m not sure which pictures you’ve seen, but it reminds me of that pizza.” Max nodded to the pepperoni.

  Jeffrey chewed hard and swallowed in disgust at the thought his pizza was anywhere close to the rashes and burns he’s seen briefly in pictures at a ten per-cent zoom.

  “Also, I don’t want any escalations,” he said, glancing at Alexa.

  “And what should we tell them?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” Max agreed. “We can’t skate around it, they’re angry.”

  Jeffrey threw his hands in the air. “And I haven’t gotten laid since last night, so, let’s talk about who’s angry, shall we, I haven’t even been able to use the app, because apparently, there’s nobody around in the area.”

  Max shrugged. “There’s hundreds when I check.”

  “But you’re into guys.”

  Alexa gasped again. “You can’t just assume someone’s into something when they’re not, how do you know Max isn’t into girls as well?”

  Jeffrey grit his teeth, his face blotching with sweat. “If they keep calling with the same problem, I’ll have to call someone in, and I know they’ll hate it as much as I do, probably worse, nobody wants to deal with this mess.”

  “And Twitter and Facebook are going crazy with people posting,” Alexa said.

  “Alexa?” he said, taking short cooling and calm breaths. “Why didn’t you say they’d taken to social media?”

  “I thought you must’ve known.”

  “Well, I don’t.” he stomped his foot on the floor like a toddler, spitting out his dummy. “Now it’s an entire thing, I’m going to have to call the supervisors in the U.S.”

  Alexa rolled her eyes and flicked her hair back. “I’m sorry I’m asking you to work.”

  Jeffrey chose to ignore her comment. “Leave,” he said. “I need to stressturbate.”

  “Stresstur—?” Max asked, clocking the mix of stress and masturbate.

  They left the office and Jeffrey closed the door behind them, closing the blinds, although the exhibitionist in him would’ve preferred to keep it open, he wasn’t particularly feeling it tonight. He wanted to angry wank alone, looking at a reflection of himself.

  “He’s gross,” Alexa said, sitting back at her desk with a pizza box in hand. “I’m not looking at any more of those pictures.”

  “What are you going to do?” Max asked.

  She spun around in her chair. “I’ll write a statement, advising them to contact the company, and I’ll even go so far as giving them the contact number for the lube place. The best customer service, is some great misdirection, that’s the whole foundation of it, passing people around until the eventually land in the right place.”

  Minutes passed before a roaring cry came from Veronica’s office.

  Jeffrey rushed out of the office wearing his underwear around his ankles and his shirt unbuttoned. “Can’t even get an erection.” He pressed his hands to his face. “Like playing with a handful of wet spaghetti.”

  The moment of attention passed and they focused on their computer screens once again. Alexa adjusted her headband in her hair, tangled in the headset. “Thank you for contacting—” she spoke, pretending to talk on the phone.

  Jeffrey waddled over to Max, careful not to trip over the pants around his ankles. He grabbed Max’s shoulders and pulled him. “Come have a look at this.”

  Max turned slightly, shaking his head. “We’re busy.”

  Jeffrey slapped his hands harder on Max’s back. “We’ll be even busier if we have to deal with this.” He hocked a cough up from the back of his throat. “Put yourself on assigned tasks and look at it.”

  Jeffrey pushed himself back through to Veronica’s office, kicking off his pants and underwear.

  Reluctantly, Max followed Jeffrey. “Please put some clothes on.”

  Jeffrey stood with his dick in his hands. He jerked it slightly, pulling back his foreskin. Max pushed his hands to his face, peeking behind his fingers.

  “Look at it.” He gyrated his hips forward.

  Max grumbled as he dropped his hands by his waist. “Looks sore,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe infected.”

  “Infected!?”

  “No, no, no.” He took a deep breath and clenched his jaw. “I don’t know. Maybe just stop masturbating.”

  Jeffrey panted, massaging at his collarbone. “Stop masturbating?!”

  “Yeah.”

  Jeffrey grabbed a brown box, open at the side of Veronica’s office. “Maybe I’ll use some of the lube.” The bright pink tubes of lube spilled out of the box as they fell through the bottom. He took one tube and unclipped the lid. “If it’s giving sensations to people, maybe it’ll do something for me.”

  Max snatched the lube from Jeffrey’s hands. “Or not. I’ve seen some of the pictures. I don’t think you should.”

  “Whatever! You’re no help.” He threw the empty box. “And now I can’t get off.”

  Max shied his eyes again from looking at Jeffrey’s heated red penis, angry as it looked back at him. He occupied his fingers with the bottle of phallic-shaped lube, stroking his hands up and down the bottle.

  Jeffrey nodded at Max. “Wanna give it a try?” He glanced at his penis, cupping it in a single hand.

  Max opened his mouth to speak when Alexa came into the office. “Lines are busy. I need you back out there with me.” She only looked at Max, knowing full-well what Jeffrey was packing, and she didn’t want to further the image in her head.

  Max rushed out with Alexa on his heels. He placed the lube on the side of his desk and glanced at the calls queuing on the board. A handful came from the U.K. lines, but hundreds of them were stacked on the U.S.

  They took call after call, nobody in the U.K. had calls about the lube, only booki
ng bang rooms and complaints about accounts suspected of being fake accounts or catfishers.

  Alexa tapped her fingernails on the desk. “I’m sorry. We aim to protect our members; your safety and security is important. Is there anything else I can help you with?” Followed by several moments of silence and a disconnected call.

  With the bottle of lube in hand, and his eyes scanning the directions and ingredients. Max cleared his throat, waiting for Alexa to finish her call. “It’s so weird, because usually, you squirt several pumps of lube. This says, ‘a touch of lube’, maybe they’re just overusing it.”

  Alexa furrowed her brow. “Good one, genius.”

  “What?”

  She grabbed the bottle from him. “Figured that out a while ago. It’s written on the bottle.”

  Max took it back. “I know. But—”

  “But you saw those pictures.”

  “I could just use a touch.”

  Jeffrey approached their workstation. “It was a bad batch,” he scoffed. “That’s what we’re telling people. Veronica emailed in, she’s pissed. If it gets any worse, she’ll have our balls for breakfast.”

  Alexa straightened out the headband on her head. “My balls?”

  “Especially yours.”

  An email appeared on Max’s screen. There were several attachments. He pressed his fingers in front of his eyes for a moment before noticing there was no flesh, only scanned pages of a document.

  The subject in the email read. You’re being sued!

  Max tapped Alexa on her shoulder as she received a call.

  Jeffrey stood behind Max, reading the email. He slammed his hand on Max’s desk. “Fuck. Send it to legal. We don’t deal with that.”

  Alexa lost concentration, listening to them. “I need to place you on a brief hold, is that okay?” she asked. “Thank you, I’ll be with you in a moment.”

  Jeffrey’s face creased as he turned to Alexa. “What happened?”

  “I’ve had three of those already, from Americans.” She nodded to Max’s computer. “I sent them straight to U.S. legal. And if anyone calls to say they’re suing, apparently, we can’t service them, legal deals with them directly.”

  Snapping his fingers and fist punching the air, Jeffrey finally smiled. “Exactly what I was going to suggest.”

  “But there’s still hundreds of calls waiting,” Alexa said.

  “Deal with them.”

  Alexa combed a hand through her hair. “I have. I emailed Veronica get extra help.” A smile on her face widened, diminishing the smile on his face.

  He stomped his foot once. “Why?”

  “Yeah, Alexa, why did you email her?”

  She blinked wildly at the two of them. “I don’t have time for two grown men to question me, I have a member on the line.”

  THREE

  Twenty-six minutes passed between Alexa announcing she’d summoned Veronica into the office and her arrival. Immediately, there was silence. Jeffrey cleaned the mess he’d made and settled into the control area at the centre of the call centre floor.

  Dressed in a large beige trench coat, flapping open as she walked, revealing her pink silk nightdress. She wore white diamanté stiletto heels and her hair sat high, backcombed on her head.

  Veronica snapped her fingers at Jeffrey. “My office, now!”

  Alexa and Max followed him in with their eyes. She slammed her office door shut once Jeffrey was inside. She scowled at them before drawing the blinds.

  “She looks pissed off?” Max said.

  Alexa chuckled. “Oh, completely.”

  “You knew what you were doing?”

  She pulled away her headset and adjusted her headband. “It’s a crisis. And, if I’m going to be annoyed, looking at mangled dick pics, then so will they.” She grabbed her company-branded mug. “Want a coffee?”

  “Oh?” Max’s face furrowed and his eyebrows knitted together. “Yeah. I will.”

  “You’ll soon figure out, everyone here is trying to fuck everyone else over.” She took his cup in her other hand, smiling to herself. “And now Frank is away or whatever, screwing his way through America, I’m—”

  “You’re?”

  “Making sure the likes of the supervisors don’t get to have fun.”

  “What? Why?”

  She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t tell you, but Frank broke our LTF, and I found out Veronica and her demon vagina told him to, and I’m sure their little table at Pyramid had a laugh about that.”

  Max didn’t quite understand, and left it there while Alexa strolled through the dim lighting of the call centre to the small kitchen. Whilst in the kitchen, she occupied herself with her phone, looking through old pictures of her and Frank, even though it was all through Fling, she had feelings for him, even if it did start out as a corporate ladder climb, it was only natural he wanted to do the same, and screwing with someone who wasn’t in a managerial position wasn’t doing him any favours with those who had a seat at the big boy table.

  She threw her mug against the wall and sighed against the counter.

  In a box, beneath the side was a collection of new company mugs. She rummaged through a few boxes, noting a box of Sensalube among them. She pulled the box onto the counter and opened it. There were several bright pink sachets; sample packets.

  “Just a touch.”

  Alexa slipped her skirt down her hips and tore the sachet with her teeth, pouring a small bead of lube on a finger. There was an instant tingle on the tip, followed by an intense tingling as she rubbed it on her vagina, pressing a fingertip inside to spread the sensation.

  A groan escaped her mouth. She rested against the kitchen counter and gasped for air as the tingling vibrated through her.

  The clacking stomp of stilettos on the hallway floor pulled her out of it, even while the pleasure centres were being tantalised. Veronica stomped into the small kitchen, wearing only her silk nightdress. She stood and stared at Alexa.

  From the front of her bra she pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. “I cannot believe this shit show.” Veronica tapped the cigarette on the counter before propping it in her mouth. “Can you believe it?”

  Alexa continued to stare, her skin on fire with the electricity running through her. “Did you see the pictures?”

  Veronica lit the cigarette and took one giant drag. “No, about being called in, not having sex, and I can’t get laid by Jeffrey; I tried to go down on him, it’s like sucking on a slug.” She blew the smoke in Alexa’s face.

  Alexa nodded. “Oh.” She poured coffee powder into mugs. “Do you want one?”

  “I need something stronger.” She sucked on the end of the cigarette. “And I doubt Max would be anymore use.”

  “We need more staff,” Alexa said.

  “You kinky bitch.”

  “No, for the phones.”

  Veronica flicked the ash on the floor. “Whatever. Jeff is calling around to see who’s available.” She puffed on the cigarette once again. “PR nightmare. If it gets any worse, Lara will be in and then we’re all in shit.”

  “Why?” Alexa poured hot water. “I know she’s set to be the new CEO, but it’s not our fault.”

  Veronica laughed. “Awh, Alexa. That’s not what I meant. She deals with sales, she knows things we don’t. But if we can’t deal with it on our own, we’ll be the needy red-headed step-children your mother warns you about when you start hooking up with a married man.”

  “Oddly specific.” Alexa noticed the empty lube sachet on the counter. She eyed it the same time as Veronica who winked. “I had to try the product.”

  A wave of relief crossed Veronica’s face. “It’s safe?”

  Alexa pushed her lips together in a smile. “Yeah. There’s a whole box of them.”

  Veronica threw the cigarette to the ground and ground it with her foot. “I know, they’re all over the department. There’s a box in my office. A box in each of the bathrooms, and I’m sure there’s a box at the reception, ha, even sample
s with the old lady on the front desk.”

  Alexa made her way back out onto the call centre floor with the two mugs of coffee. She handed Max his coffee and placed hers at her desk.

  “You took your time.”

  Alexa sat and placed her headset over her head. “Veronica came in.” She took a sip of the coffee. “I put one sugar in, is that okay?”

  “Good, I’m cutting my sugar intake anyway.” He took a sip. “I need to get into shape, be fighting fit for auditions.”

  “You have auditions?” Her eyes lit up.

  “Not yet, but I will. I have headshots.”

  Jeffrey tapped on the desk beside Alexa. “I have news.” He cleared his throat. “Nobody wants to work.”

  “No, shit. It’s Friday, it’s almost midnight, and they’ve just finished a day in work.” She snapped her fingers in his face. “Looks like you’ll have to get on the phones.”

  Veronica clicked her tongue, walking on the call centre floor. “Jeff.”

  “Maybe not,” he said.

  Alexa waved. “Master’s calling.”

  The bleep of a call rang through Max’s headset.

  “God damn, finally!” A deep southern American voice spoke.

  “Th—th—th—thank you for contacting Fling, the fun, fli—”

  “No,” the gruff voice came. “Get my account.”

  “Can I take your account number?”

  The deep-voiced man provided his account details and verified his information.

  “How can I help you?” he asked.

  Mr. Greg Dwight, from Austin, Texas, a serial fling addict in both a marriage and several LTFs. Max flicked through his profile to see his wife attached to his account. It was the first married couple account he’d seen.

  “Are you even listening to me?” the member screamed at him.

  “Yes. I’m listening.”

  “I’m holdin my dick. I’m bleedin. Stoopid.”

  “Sorry. You should call an ambulance.”

  “How am I gon pay for that? Your stoopid lube got me messed up. Thas why am phoning!”

  “I apologise, I’m not sure what I can do for you.”

  A shriek came from the member. “Can I speak to your supervisor. I got my Johnson in my hands, and there’s blood, like a whole lotta blood. So, less you want all this in your hands, I wanna speak to your gah damn supervisor.”